New Rules...
Not too long ago I decided that... I am NOT A HOUSEWIFE!
I am a stay-at-home-mom, which is NOT the same thing.
In case you are an absolute moron and don't know the difference...
Moms: Educate, cuddle, feed, clothe, talk to, entertain, enjoy, sing with, bathe, and reprimand (among other things), their KIDS. Moms are busy building human beings. Which is a full time job.
Housewives: Well, you figure it out. House+wife=woman defined by a building and a man.
Screw THAT!
Light dusting, ironing?
SCREW THAT!
If a woman (or man) spends too many hours worrying the dishes and mopping and whatnot, they do not have time for important things like reading with their kids, playing with playdough, smearing glitter glue around.
And if I happen to be the person around the house during the day, maybe it makes sense that I do some cooking, a little laundry, maybe the shopping. But I am not a MAID! It is not my JOB to make sure the house is neat. If the house is neat, I'm doing a favor to the other people in the house, and they should say, (as I would say to them if they cleaned) THANK YOU! If the house is not neat it is everyone's fault.
And since I embraced this realization I have been a happier Laurel. Much. One day I didn't make dinner but DID bake cookies. Another day I refused to make the beds. I've been singing more, playing more, tickling more.
And the mess?
It turns out I was the only one who cared anyway.
Figures...
I am a stay-at-home-mom, which is NOT the same thing.
In case you are an absolute moron and don't know the difference...
Moms: Educate, cuddle, feed, clothe, talk to, entertain, enjoy, sing with, bathe, and reprimand (among other things), their KIDS. Moms are busy building human beings. Which is a full time job.
Housewives: Well, you figure it out. House+wife=woman defined by a building and a man.
Screw THAT!
Light dusting, ironing?
SCREW THAT!
If a woman (or man) spends too many hours worrying the dishes and mopping and whatnot, they do not have time for important things like reading with their kids, playing with playdough, smearing glitter glue around.
And if I happen to be the person around the house during the day, maybe it makes sense that I do some cooking, a little laundry, maybe the shopping. But I am not a MAID! It is not my JOB to make sure the house is neat. If the house is neat, I'm doing a favor to the other people in the house, and they should say, (as I would say to them if they cleaned) THANK YOU! If the house is not neat it is everyone's fault.
And since I embraced this realization I have been a happier Laurel. Much. One day I didn't make dinner but DID bake cookies. Another day I refused to make the beds. I've been singing more, playing more, tickling more.
And the mess?
It turns out I was the only one who cared anyway.
Figures...
8 Comments:
I like this post. For me, staying at homes means lots of those expectations and voices floating around in the head; having arguments with myself about what I "should" and "should't" be doing because I'm staying at home, etc. and so I find it much easier to be a work-outside-of-the-house mom.
So you hate your hubby?
;)
Sheeeyt. What I wouldn't give to be a house-anything, or a stay-at-home-anything else...
Oh. You're supposed to make beds? Why no one tell me these things? Too late to start now.
I find, with three, I like having a tidy house because it makes things run muuuch more smoothly. I also find we didn't even approach tidy until the about last year, when the youngest was 6 and everyone (mostly) did their own share. With me giving constant reminders, of course. Also, tidy is such a fleeting concept. Sigh.
Clean is just too far a dream, and one I've replaced with more important things. You are a wiser woman than I was.
If you ask my children, they will tell you with great drama how they have to do EVERYTHING. (You did know you only had kids to do all the cleaning in your house, right? This cracks me up every time I hear it. It never gets old. I hope you enjoy it, too, someday.)
You inspired me to make cookies tonight. Peanut butter blossoms. Yummmm.
My dear Laurel,
Don't be insecure about labels.
Damn it, you're a writer with book contracts! Contracts, I say!
Dear anonymous...
While I feel very grateful (however rundown I sometimes get) to be able to stay at home and take care of my kids... this does not undercut the difficulty of the job. I think that if you spent 12 hours a day alone with 2 kids in diapers, you might go a little bonkers.
I know people have this idea that stay-at-homes watch lots of TV and bake and giggle all day long. This is truly, truly not the case. And of all the jobs I've ever had, this is by far, BY FAR, the most taxing...
You want to be my housewife? You want to come and iron shirts and pay the bills and cook and clean and dust and wash poop from sheets and diapers and go to the grocery store (where you have to push TWO carts to accomodate both kids and the food)and never sleep more than 2 hours at a stretch? PLease, you can come and do that for me. By all means. And I'll pay you room and board. Because that is, in essence, what a housewife gets.
Beside the love of her kids I mean...
I will repeat-- staying at home with my kids is a joy. Being a maid who never leaves the house and never gets paid is NOT!
Interesting. I'm about to become a stay-at-home dad caring for my new son while my wife works to keep us all insured. I plan to use the "old man" filter to establish my priorities: when I'm old and sitting in that rocker on the porch, what will I remember? Doing the laundry, or playing with my son? Washing dishes, or writing that next chapter? I mean, I'll do my share of the chores, but I have to keep my eyes, as they say, on the prize(s).
This was great. I sent the link to several friends after I read it the first time. Even if I wanted to clean or had the motivation, caring for a kid is a full-time job. Dirty little secret - almost all of my mommy friends, even the earth mommy crunchy granola ones (who I thought had it allllll together) have someone come in and clean a couple of times a month. And it's cheaper than I thought it would be. As I write this, I'm trying to find a way to eek out $120/month from our meager budget. Until then, my floors will have to suffer from my neglect!
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