"I think we'll call him Slowbert"
It turns out that there are many orders in which a labor can occur. In the beginning, you're pregnant, and in the end, you're not pregnant anymore... but in the middle there are all of these things that happen, (water breaking, contractions, and far ickier things I'll not mention)
Sometimes they all happen at once (like in the movies, when a woman wakes, places a hands on her belly, and nudges her dashing husband, "Honey-- I think it's time!")
And sometimes... sometimes, it just takes a long damn time.
I have gotten emails and calls from some of you, which I appreciate, and I want to reassure everyone that I am fine, but that I am simulataneously "in labor" and "still pregnant". I have been so for 5 days, am losing my mind, but really really really DON'T want to chat about it. Not even with you.
And you REALLY REALLY REALLY DON'T want any details. I swear you don't. No matter how you think you do. No matter how you may love me.
So you go and have a nice day, and I will stay here, at home, waiting for the puppy to come. And when he is here, I'll be sure to fill you in.
Side note-- I laughed out loud the other day, thinking how, maybe if I held a Twix bar between my legs, he'd come crawling out on his own, drawn to the sweet smell of waxy American chocolate. I didn't actually do it, mind you, but I considered it!!!
In other news, I got the page proofs for my chapbook! I'm very excited.
In still other news, it IS possible to watch too much television.
Sometimes they all happen at once (like in the movies, when a woman wakes, places a hands on her belly, and nudges her dashing husband, "Honey-- I think it's time!")
And sometimes... sometimes, it just takes a long damn time.
I have gotten emails and calls from some of you, which I appreciate, and I want to reassure everyone that I am fine, but that I am simulataneously "in labor" and "still pregnant". I have been so for 5 days, am losing my mind, but really really really DON'T want to chat about it. Not even with you.
And you REALLY REALLY REALLY DON'T want any details. I swear you don't. No matter how you think you do. No matter how you may love me.
So you go and have a nice day, and I will stay here, at home, waiting for the puppy to come. And when he is here, I'll be sure to fill you in.
Side note-- I laughed out loud the other day, thinking how, maybe if I held a Twix bar between my legs, he'd come crawling out on his own, drawn to the sweet smell of waxy American chocolate. I didn't actually do it, mind you, but I considered it!!!
In other news, I got the page proofs for my chapbook! I'm very excited.
In still other news, it IS possible to watch too much television.
8 Comments:
many many well wishes for you and swing low sweet slowbert coming forth and you'll carry him home! chrs, heidi
I think I can safely say this is the first "in-labor" blog post I've ever read. I feel like a sissy for ever having complained about the thirty hours of labor of went through with my daughter. Hang in there, Laurel! Best wishes to you & Slowbert.
aw damn, baby (referring to you, not slowbert). we're with you in spirit...getting you herbal tea and rubbing your feet or whatever it is that makes a laboring lady comfortable.
kisses and comfort and love to you--maria
Um, will Slowbert be his Hebrew name or what? That would be awesome, to hear Slowebert called to the bima.
Hopefully, you are pushing out that Turkey NOW, so as to better make room for turkey and PIE on Thursday!
Hang in there, sweetpea. This will end up okay. But one knows that only when one is reflecting back upon it, not in it's throes. I'm thinking of you always these days... xoxoxo
~Polli
Come on, little Slobot, come on, little guy. I bet you're here, just in time for turkey soup. Love love to mama!
Very cool design! Useful information. Go on!
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Where did you find it? Interesting read here
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