I am angry...
Sometimes it is hard...
To admit that you are angry... because it's so much easier to be "hurt" and "sad".
Anger carries accountability. Anger requires us to take charge, fix things. "Hurt" we can blame on the world around us, on other people, fate.
So much easier to blame icky feelings on others... to feel afflicted. Wounded by situation, by the world.
But I am angy. I am finally very MAD!
I have been feeling "hurt" for a bit. Hurt by friends. Hurt by my boss and work. Hurt by this unfriendly city where nobody invites me to dinner. Hurt by my family/granmdmother mess, a situation not of my making. Even hurt by not having a book out.
But now I am MAD. I am going to fix these things. I am going to set boundaries with friends. I am going to tell my boss what I think. I am going to do what I can to fix things for my grandmother, and then leave. I am going to finish a fucking book. And maybe I am going to leave this city, return to a place I know I can be happy.
Becasue I can. Becasue the worst that can happen when I finally get mad is that people will get mad back.
To admit that you are angry... because it's so much easier to be "hurt" and "sad".
Anger carries accountability. Anger requires us to take charge, fix things. "Hurt" we can blame on the world around us, on other people, fate.
So much easier to blame icky feelings on others... to feel afflicted. Wounded by situation, by the world.
But I am angy. I am finally very MAD!
I have been feeling "hurt" for a bit. Hurt by friends. Hurt by my boss and work. Hurt by this unfriendly city where nobody invites me to dinner. Hurt by my family/granmdmother mess, a situation not of my making. Even hurt by not having a book out.
But now I am MAD. I am going to fix these things. I am going to set boundaries with friends. I am going to tell my boss what I think. I am going to do what I can to fix things for my grandmother, and then leave. I am going to finish a fucking book. And maybe I am going to leave this city, return to a place I know I can be happy.
Becasue I can. Becasue the worst that can happen when I finally get mad is that people will get mad back.
7 Comments:
Damnit Laurel...now I'm pissed....
But I say...ride that GrrrPower...not to be confused with grrl power....Sometimes you just gotta putcher foot down....step on some toes...then people may just watch where they step.
I, ohh watcha gonna do now?
_leroy johannesburg
aka - turd burglar
aka - Frank Lloyd, right?
I think the solution is, or a way to think about the solution is: small town, big dreams, big life. As in, live nowhere but live a lot: throw parties, make dinner, wear silver dresses, drink tea out of toy cups. Make your outer life, wherever you are, as rich as your inner one. And, as I think Matthea Harvey reminded you, don't forget the magic, girl!
I would have invited you for dinner, but I didn't think you would accept. I think we're planning a party for May 14th. If so, I'll make sure you get an invitation.
Oh, Laurel my dear. Sounds like you're riding a pretty tough wave right now. Anytime you need a shoulder, I've got a couple of 'em all ready for you. ~ Polli
Mickey and I have been trying to figure out WHY no-one here invites people to dinner. I've been here almost my whole life and can't ever remember much of dinners, except Pesach, maybe, which doesn't count.
It's an Alanta thing. We have renovated kitchens and we eat in them - or the adjoining renovated dining rooms - with our immediate families only, if that.
Metaphor, anyone?
Want to come over for dinner when you get back?
I was mad, angry... hurt... sad... yes in that order... last night... had a petty fight for four hours with my fiance... neither of us wanted to put out the fight.
Had bad dreams of snakes... murderers... must have been some state of mind before i slept... it was 1:00 AM in the morning...
i felt like shit... and felt like taking a gun and shooting his head off ...
I was mad in the morning... mad ... but work was beckoning ... and my mind just refused to work... i said " me not going to office" but another voice said " no please go... of what use is it to sit inside your house and fret..."
I am angry that i feel so weakened by it...
I am angry that I cannot see beyond all hurt...
I am angry that I am getting ready to fight a battle...
I am angry because i lost my cool
I am angry that i do not listen
I am angry that i feel like a victim
I feel angry that I am not excused... for faults...
I am angry that I know that I have been irresponsible and that someone else makes me feel so...
I am angry that i am so immature that i let someone's views affect me...
i am angry because i think i am strong when actually i am so weak
I am angry because the man on the other end is not perfect but expects me to be the perfect one...
I am angry because i am still angry...
and I will get over this anger
you only hurt yourself
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