Petrova Pan...

Grows up???



Meditative today... because I went into a fancy design store, to return some breakable wedding gifts for smaller objets that would travel well in a glovebox... (I bought a tiny Alessi salt shaker, crystal and stainless)

And suddenly I was like, "Whoa! I'm buying a fucking crystal salt shaker!"

And then I thought about all the things I've been doing lately...

Moving the old Goodwill furniture to the curb, getting prints and friends' art finally framed, and digging out and framing my diplomas... sorting through the kitchen supplies and tossing duplicate crappy garlic presses, taking load of clothes after load of clothes to the consignment stores... calling credit card companies and cancelling the ones that wouldn't lower my rates... filing things...

And I feel a little panic-y. I feel scared of what I'm becoming.

Suddenly I'm a wife and a homeowner and a salaried employee, starting (for the first time ever) a second year at the same (non-waitress) job...

And on top of all that I'm buying crystal salt shakers? Pewter measuring cups?

I'm getting rid of orange vinyl sofas and peach crate-bookshelves? Why?

I think I'm becoming an adult. And I'm scared of that.

I want to make sure that I'm very careful about what kind of grownup I'm becoming. I don't want to accrue so much fancy crap that I care too much about the crap. I don't want to lose sight of my values, simplicity, the aesthetic of recycling and decay...

I don't want to get too fancy...