Mothers and daughters...

Daughters and Moms...



Had a tremendous fight with my mom last night. She's having a big party for "us" in two weeks. She "honoring us" because that's what's "normal." It'sdifficult for me, the girl who eloped... to say the least.

What is it about weddings and major events? Everything I do is wrong. My hair. My father. My elopement. My robbing-her-of-a-wedding-shower. My lack-of-interest-in-4-solid-days-of-socializing-with-people-I-barely-know. Woke up today feeling like absolute shit. Not sure how to process all of this.

I was "overreacting." I was "treading on this ice." I was "blowing things way out of proportion." I was "ruining her candelight champagne dinner." I was "not appreciating all the work she's doing."

All I did was ask for a little time in the four-day-extravaganza to go hang out with my dad for a little bit.And now I feel like that was wrong, but I'm still not sure why. I should have just made plans with my dad. I'm thirty, for fuck's sake. I should have just made lunch plans with my dad. I shouldn't have called to talk about it. I shouldn't have asked permission.

I feel like I need to pull back... stop telling her so much... stop sharing so much...

But I also feel like "the truth" is so important to me... that any relationship where I don't offer "the truth" is built on a foundation of phony/nothing.. It's part of who I am, as a person, a writer...

My brother always laughs at me... he says, "Why do you tell her things? If you tell her the things she wants to hear, it'll be better for you." My sister seems to be coming to this realization too. Maybe it's time for me to take a lesson from my younger sibs.

I just ended up weeping forever last night. Ugh. I felt like I was 14 again.