The Wily Charms of Charm City
I had a really long dream last night about Baltimore... home to the largest tulip beds outside Holland.
Home to Frank Zappa and John Waters, Atmans and the Broadway market, the Hippodrome Hat Store and Trinacria's.
Home to a whole lot of seagulls, prostitutes, and ME.
This happens often at the holidays, when I get a little teary, talk to my dad on the phone for long stretches, and wish I were wee. Wee and living in Govans...
(It probably didn't help that ELIMIDATE last night was in Charm City as well)
In the dream, Chris and Dave and I were living down near the harbor, in a brick rowhouse (probably in Canton somewheres). I could see the water from my window. Dave was sitting in the little rowhouse yard, smiling and doing the things dogs do. Chris was making music. I was just hangin out.
Not much of a dream, but I woke up so homesick!
I generally like to imagine potential lives, and I regularly come up with a new version of THE PLAN. Then I chatter on and on about the mechanics of THE PLAN. (I think this personality trait might be a little irritating)
In the last year, I've actively wanted to move to Brooklyn, Seattle, Scotland, Durham, Jerusalem, Chicago, Atlanta, Austin. I've imagined my homes there (and spent some time on realtor.com). I've sent for info on the Jewish communities in those places, scoped out jobs in those towns. I've done a lot of thinking.
And in a more concrete way, Chris and I have talked a lot about where to go next. We most often decide to move to North Carolina, to the fine town of Durham, because it has a lot of stuff, but not too much stuff. Because it doesn't cost as much as San Francisco. And because I can drive to the water and Chris can drive to the mountains.
But that isn't really what I want at all. That's the plan I get excited about because it feels like Chris won't ever consider what I really want. (Though I'm not sure why I think that...) And it's the next-best thing.
What I want... to move home. To the farmers market on Saturdays with Roy, my kid brother. To lunch with Chris at the Sip-n-Bite and then duckpin bowling.
I want to spend our summers downyocean, hon.
But I've never been in this kind of a relationship before, where both people are strong independent types, but also both people are willing to compromise... How is this supposed to work? When you really love someone?
Chris wants to move to Minneapolis or Durham. He'd consider Austin. I want to move to Baltimore or Philadelphia. I'd consider DC.
Certainly, it makes some sense to move to Durham, because I'll be only a short drive home to Baltimore, and I'll be in a nice area, a place I don't MIND. But it's also true that I've given Durham a shot, even went down to interview for a job there... before we both decided to stay here for at least another year or two.
And Durham feels small to me. I miss city-life, wandering into a place I've never been, getting lost in a crowd. I want something a little more edgy. I want the grit and bustle. I want, if I don't like my job, to find another job. I want a place where I can have many lives, instead of one big life that bumps into itself on a regular basis.
And Chris hasn't really considered Baltimore at all, I don't think. And we haven't even visited Phillie or DC. We haven't seriously discussed it. So I'm not sure why he's opposed.
So... my question is... what is FAIR? How does this whole compromise thing work? What do you do when you have kids, or you're married?
What if I got a job in DC, a really cool job working in arts-non-profit-programming, or teaching? What if he got a studio gig in Nashville? What do people do?
And Baltimore... is that an unreasonable request?
We could try it, right? For a few years?
Home to Frank Zappa and John Waters, Atmans and the Broadway market, the Hippodrome Hat Store and Trinacria's.
Home to a whole lot of seagulls, prostitutes, and ME.
This happens often at the holidays, when I get a little teary, talk to my dad on the phone for long stretches, and wish I were wee. Wee and living in Govans...
(It probably didn't help that ELIMIDATE last night was in Charm City as well)
In the dream, Chris and Dave and I were living down near the harbor, in a brick rowhouse (probably in Canton somewheres). I could see the water from my window. Dave was sitting in the little rowhouse yard, smiling and doing the things dogs do. Chris was making music. I was just hangin out.
Not much of a dream, but I woke up so homesick!
I generally like to imagine potential lives, and I regularly come up with a new version of THE PLAN. Then I chatter on and on about the mechanics of THE PLAN. (I think this personality trait might be a little irritating)
In the last year, I've actively wanted to move to Brooklyn, Seattle, Scotland, Durham, Jerusalem, Chicago, Atlanta, Austin. I've imagined my homes there (and spent some time on realtor.com). I've sent for info on the Jewish communities in those places, scoped out jobs in those towns. I've done a lot of thinking.
And in a more concrete way, Chris and I have talked a lot about where to go next. We most often decide to move to North Carolina, to the fine town of Durham, because it has a lot of stuff, but not too much stuff. Because it doesn't cost as much as San Francisco. And because I can drive to the water and Chris can drive to the mountains.
But that isn't really what I want at all. That's the plan I get excited about because it feels like Chris won't ever consider what I really want. (Though I'm not sure why I think that...) And it's the next-best thing.
What I want... to move home. To the farmers market on Saturdays with Roy, my kid brother. To lunch with Chris at the Sip-n-Bite and then duckpin bowling.
I want to spend our summers downyocean, hon.
But I've never been in this kind of a relationship before, where both people are strong independent types, but also both people are willing to compromise... How is this supposed to work? When you really love someone?
Chris wants to move to Minneapolis or Durham. He'd consider Austin. I want to move to Baltimore or Philadelphia. I'd consider DC.
Certainly, it makes some sense to move to Durham, because I'll be only a short drive home to Baltimore, and I'll be in a nice area, a place I don't MIND. But it's also true that I've given Durham a shot, even went down to interview for a job there... before we both decided to stay here for at least another year or two.
And Durham feels small to me. I miss city-life, wandering into a place I've never been, getting lost in a crowd. I want something a little more edgy. I want the grit and bustle. I want, if I don't like my job, to find another job. I want a place where I can have many lives, instead of one big life that bumps into itself on a regular basis.
And Chris hasn't really considered Baltimore at all, I don't think. And we haven't even visited Phillie or DC. We haven't seriously discussed it. So I'm not sure why he's opposed.
So... my question is... what is FAIR? How does this whole compromise thing work? What do you do when you have kids, or you're married?
What if I got a job in DC, a really cool job working in arts-non-profit-programming, or teaching? What if he got a studio gig in Nashville? What do people do?
And Baltimore... is that an unreasonable request?
We could try it, right? For a few years?
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home